Couples counselling is not a quick fix and won’t heal a relationship overnight. It takes dedication, an open mind, the ability to compromise and hard work to rekindle what has been damaged or lost.
However, there are some instances where counselling simply isn’t going to work no matter how much time and effort is spent on the relationship. Some of these instances may include:
- An ineffective, inexperienced or incompatible counsellor
- Lack of time, effort and dedication to the process
- Refusal to communicate openly about the relationship and other problems
- Not using the tools and techniques provided by a counsellor
- Not addressing personal issues that are negatively impacting the relationship
- When one partner is not willing to go to or participate in counselling and is not open to the process
Addressing these issues before starting counselling and understanding why counselling may not be successful are stepping stones to effective counselling.
1. CHOOSING A COUNSELLOR
No matter how qualified, experienced or skilled a counsellor is, they need to be a good match for the couple they are counselling.
Each person in the relationship should trust the counsellor and feel the ability to be open and honest with them.
If one partner is uncomfortable or has the sense that the counsellor is siding with the other partner, the counselling is probably not going to be effective.
2. DEDICATION, TIME AND EFFORT
We all tend to put in a great effort at the start of a relationship to impress and attract the other person.
However, as time goes by, we fail to put our best foot forward and the relationship starts taking a back seat to other life tasks such as caring for children, career or hobbies and other interests.
It is critical to dedicate the time and effort that is necessary to ensure that the counselling process is effective. If the relationship continues to come second, it is less than likely that counselling will succeed.
Counselling should provide a safe and secure environment where couples can share their thoughts and feelings without fear.
It is absolutely critical for each partner in a relationship to be able to communicate openly and honestly within the counselling environment.
The fact that failure to communicate is the top reasons why relationships fail to start with should indicate how important effective communication is in counselling.
4. TOOLS AND TECHNIQUES
There is a big misconception that a counsellor is there simply to listen to the problems in a relationship and then send couples on their merry way.
Counselling does, however, provide a wide range of tools and techniques that must be used in order for the process to be effective.
It is just as important to inform the counsellor if a specific technique is not having the desired effect to reach the goal of the counselling. Setting goals is another important factor that can play a role in the success of counselling.
5. PERSONAL ISSUES
Couples counselling is generally approached with the belief that both partners are to some degree responsible for the breakdown that is being experienced in the relationship.
However, in some cases, a personal problem being experienced by one partner could be largely responsible. It is important to address personal issues on an individual basis before seeking couples counselling.
6. WILLINGNESS TO PARTICIPATE
If one partner simply does not want to go to couples counselling or is unwilling to participate, the process is doomed from the start.
It is critical that both partners want to partake in the counselling process and are willing to do what it takes to heal the relationship.
Taking these 6 factors into account before going for couples counselling will increase the chances of success phenomenally. Speak to a counsellor to find out more about how effective couples counselling is likely to be.
Our counselling can help you rebuild your relationships and develop the skills necessary to manage any type of crisis confronting you.
Please call us today on 1800 331 441 or contact us through our website to make an appointment.